I've Grown Accustomed to Your Face

Yesterday, late afternoon, I got one of the calls I've been waiting for, from the principal of the public school I interviewed with.

It was a call thanking me for my time, but....you get the rest. I didn't get the job.

What was the strangest thing, and what got me thinking, was the lack of sadness about it all. Don't get me wrong, I was bummed about it, for sure, but I was definitely not crying over it.
It's highlighted because this is the same principal who, when he was the middle school principal two years ago, also turned me down for a job. And that day? I cried. I was so upset. It was my first interview, and first rejection for a teaching job. [Disclaimer: this was also the same morning my PawPaw passed away, so I probably cried more than I would have normally. Emotional unstability and all that.]

Since then, however, I've been rejected a fair amount of times. By far, the worst part of it all? Looking someone in the eye as they tell you how you will hear a call from them, or that you can email in so much time to get more information; then never hearing from them again, even after emailing them. At least when I get a form letter from that school district, there's some type of finality. I don't always get that either.

What I'm trying to say is yesterday was almost painless. It was a shoulder shrug, "meh", and move on. To be so used to rejection, it kind of makes me sad. It also surprises me, mainly because for almost all of my life, I've been the emotional one. The person who can't keep it together. The "cry-baby", if you will. I've learned tactics to deal with any teasing about it, such as once, after been called a cry-baby because I was visibly riled up but not crying, I exclaimed at the person, "Do you see tears running down my face? No." Alright response at the time, probably not best if I want to be a more mature adult...

But it's a idea that I've come to terms with. I know when I watch certain things, I will tear up, no matter what. I avoid any videos/articles online that have the tag "This will make you cry!" I save StoryCorps podcasts for times I'm going to be alone for a while, because they often make me a little weepy. And for my more anger-based emotions, I find an outlet. Usually my boyfriend's ears if I'm ranting about some new evidence of stupidity, or relaxing music to calm me (saved for when he's the source of the rage).

So my lack of emotion yesterday was out of character in a way for me. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Man oh Man Do I Hope that Fortune Cookie was Right

Yesterday I had my campus visit/interview/teaching preview as a nearby private school.

And y'all. It. Was. Amazing.

I talked with so many of the faculty, and I really liked everyone I talked to, and I felt my lesson when great, and the students were receptive and interested, and I felt all the questions I was asked were easy to answer, and I felt so comfortable there.

That was the main thing--I really felt comfortable there.

I hope that I get this position. It would be super awesome. I would love it so much. Y'all, I can't even begin to explain it.

Last week,I mentioned a fortune cookie that said "Your wish is about to come true". And I know that fortune cookies really don't mean anything.
But after some of the luck I've had over the last few years, it would be nice to win one. To get this job I so desperately want.

Chalkboard Wishes and Coffee Mug Dreams

If you've ever asked me about my career plans for, oh, about a minute, you know that in the long-term, I want to become a teacher.

If you've known me for a while, you know that I've been searching for a teaching job for a really, really long time (passed the two year mark recently). And while that might not seem like a long time in the big scheme of things, it feels more like I've always been searching.

It's been super frustrating. I'm constantly reminded about my lack of a position from people asking about my search (not your fault, you're curious, I know), from seeing friends' post about teaching stuff (also no hard feelings--I teach vicariously through your stories), from going home and seeing the reference and classroom library books I've collected in waiting for that moment.

It's take a long, long time, but I'm content at the moment. My receptionist job keeps me on my toes with plenty to do, and I've learned a lot about technology. But I still hope after every interview for that blessed job offer call, but if it doesn't happen for a while, I'll make do.

The reason this is on my mind at the moment?

• I interviewed last week at a nearby high school. I don't know how it went. I had interviewed with the principal before, when he was at the middle school two years ago. I wonder why I didn't get the job then, and if that hurts me now.
  But I did what any good LA native would do--when my friend, a graduate of the school, offered to put in a good word with someone there, I did not refuse. Not even once out of politeness.
• I've also got a campus visit with a local private school next week. It looks like a really nice school, and the commute's not too bad. Plus, since they board, there might be a chance I could have a place to crash during the week and visit on weekends. I'm really nervous-excited, because the visit will involve teaching a lesson too.
• Today, my fortune cookie at lunch said that my "wish is about to come true." I don't know if it's referring to this wish of a teaching job or not, but fingers crossed!