Yesterday, late afternoon, I got one of the calls I've been waiting for, from the principal of the public school I interviewed with.
It was a call thanking me for my time, but....you get the rest. I didn't get the job.
What was the strangest thing, and what got me thinking, was the lack of sadness about it all. Don't get me wrong, I was bummed about it, for sure, but I was definitely not crying over it.
It's highlighted because this is the same principal who, when he was the middle school principal two years ago, also turned me down for a job. And that day? I cried. I was so upset. It was my first interview, and first rejection for a teaching job. [Disclaimer: this was also the same morning my PawPaw passed away, so I probably cried more than I would have normally. Emotional unstability and all that.]
Since then, however, I've been rejected a fair amount of times. By far, the worst part of it all? Looking someone in the eye as they tell you how you will hear a call from them, or that you can email in so much time to get more information; then never hearing from them again, even after emailing them. At least when I get a form letter from that school district, there's some type of finality. I don't always get that either.
What I'm trying to say is yesterday was almost painless. It was a shoulder shrug, "meh", and move on. To be so used to rejection, it kind of makes me sad. It also surprises me, mainly because for almost all of my life, I've been the emotional one. The person who can't keep it together. The "cry-baby", if you will. I've learned tactics to deal with any teasing about it, such as once, after been called a cry-baby because I was visibly riled up but not crying, I exclaimed at the person, "Do you see tears running down my face? No." Alright response at the time, probably not best if I want to be a more mature adult...
But it's a idea that I've come to terms with. I know when I watch certain things, I will tear up, no matter what. I avoid any videos/articles online that have the tag "This will make you cry!" I save StoryCorps podcasts for times I'm going to be alone for a while, because they often make me a little weepy. And for my more anger-based emotions, I find an outlet. Usually my boyfriend's ears if I'm ranting about some new evidence of stupidity, or relaxing music to calm me (saved for when he's the source of the rage).
So my lack of emotion yesterday was out of character in a way for me. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.
It was a call thanking me for my time, but....you get the rest. I didn't get the job.
What was the strangest thing, and what got me thinking, was the lack of sadness about it all. Don't get me wrong, I was bummed about it, for sure, but I was definitely not crying over it.
It's highlighted because this is the same principal who, when he was the middle school principal two years ago, also turned me down for a job. And that day? I cried. I was so upset. It was my first interview, and first rejection for a teaching job. [Disclaimer: this was also the same morning my PawPaw passed away, so I probably cried more than I would have normally. Emotional unstability and all that.]
Since then, however, I've been rejected a fair amount of times. By far, the worst part of it all? Looking someone in the eye as they tell you how you will hear a call from them, or that you can email in so much time to get more information; then never hearing from them again, even after emailing them. At least when I get a form letter from that school district, there's some type of finality. I don't always get that either.
What I'm trying to say is yesterday was almost painless. It was a shoulder shrug, "meh", and move on. To be so used to rejection, it kind of makes me sad. It also surprises me, mainly because for almost all of my life, I've been the emotional one. The person who can't keep it together. The "cry-baby", if you will. I've learned tactics to deal with any teasing about it, such as once, after been called a cry-baby because I was visibly riled up but not crying, I exclaimed at the person, "Do you see tears running down my face? No." Alright response at the time, probably not best if I want to be a more mature adult...
But it's a idea that I've come to terms with. I know when I watch certain things, I will tear up, no matter what. I avoid any videos/articles online that have the tag "This will make you cry!" I save StoryCorps podcasts for times I'm going to be alone for a while, because they often make me a little weepy. And for my more anger-based emotions, I find an outlet. Usually my boyfriend's ears if I'm ranting about some new evidence of stupidity, or relaxing music to calm me (saved for when he's the source of the rage).
So my lack of emotion yesterday was out of character in a way for me. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.