Day 22 (+12): But We're Not Supposed To Talk About That

(Why, that second number just keeps getting bigger, doesn't it? Fartknocker. Oh well. I'll catch up soon enough.)

Warning--this post is quite blunt about sexual health. I try to be as coy as possible, but I can't be for everything. No graphic descriptions are included.



Read two articles this morning, and they make me super happy as one of those "sexual health" feminist loons :P
Article 1: U.S. Abortions Declining, Study Finds
Article 2: HPV Shot Doesn't Encourage Sexual Activity in Young Girls: Study

To me, these articles show that we're moving in the right direction in sexual health education. I'm of the opinion that knowing how things work prevents more stupid mistakes based on hearsay.

I never actually got "the talk" as a kid. All I knew was that when men and women were naked together, if they were kissing and legs crossed...then came baby. It was only when I was learning about my lovely monthly visitor that I learned exactly what happened. Mainly because I was freaked out by how tampons worked and was liked, "But why would you ever want to do that to yourself?" I was quickly informed how similar to the birds and the bees it was, if you catch my drift.

And my sexual education, surprisingly, actually talked about contraception. Looking back, it's one of the things my school was actually good with. While some might not agree with the method we learned about the technical parts (girls read aloud about boy reproductive systems, and vice versa; if you laughed, you had to start your paragraph over), it worked. And our book talked about the percentages of effectiveness of all types of contraception, from abstinence's 100% all the way to using nothing of 15%, and everything in between. While not everyone that went through my school's health class remembered this information (as evidenced by some of the unintended pregnancies), you can only lead a horse to water, you know?

The area of being informed about one's sexual health is one I think both sides of the spectrum on the issue of abortion can come together on. Mainly because knowing what causes pregnancy helps to prevent it, therefore lowering unintended pregnancies and less abortions. And a lot of people I know who are pro-choice push sexual education and access, as that would give women more involvement in their sexual health.

The second article is important, because it shows that talking about your reproductive system doesn't turn on a switch in teenage brains to make them have sex.

If one wants to abstain from sex, that's their choice. Being informed about what happens does not taint someone or make them animals. Hell, it helps when they do decide to have sex, whether that be within the marriage bed or not. It also helps outside of the making babies part, and knowing when there might be something wrong with your body.

I know that this post was quite soapbox-y. But honestly, I really do believe that reproductive knowledge would help across the board. There's always room for less ignorance in the world, am I right?

Day 20 (+8): I'm Sorry You Feel That Way

There's an article that's been making it rounds lately. I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry by Amy Glass. And, it has infuriated me. So today's post will be about deconstructing my response, section by section. So you don't have to click that link unless you want to, because I have copy and pasted her article word for word.

Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.

If you start an article like this, you're rabble-rousing. I know you are. But I'll bite.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. 

 No, they're not, but not for the reason you're thinking. An independent single woman takes care of herself. A stay-at-home mom (SAHM) takes care of the household and all those in it, which can range from 3 (herself, partner, and baby) to infinity.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.
Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

Technically, you're right--with all the right paperwork and meeting all the requirements, anyone can get married (except for same-sex partners in a lot of places, of course). Same goes for babies. They're not the same type of accomplishment as graduating from college or getting that dream job, true. That doesn't make them any less valid. Celebrating marriages and having babies is more about celebrating joy in life--about finding love and that person you want to share your life with, or creating/adopting a new person in life. By recognizing these life achievements, we're celebrating that they are happy. I don't see a problem with that.

If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?
I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance.

There are people who do throw showers when they get a new job (teacher showers, anyone?), or go out for a lavish night with friends. I've had friends (like the lovely Karen Hall) who share their world traveling experiences, and people have responded with awesome support, through verbal and financial ways. Trust me when I say that these achievements are celebrated as well.
I wouldn't say that choosing a house and kids is the "path of least resistance". In fact, depending on who you are, some face more resistance when they do. I've also had tons of friends get married young and have kids, and I've heard people say (including myself), "But they're so young! They have so much to do first!"
I had to stop myself by asking what I was doing, condemning these women for choosing something that I didn't. Sure, I want the whole marriage and kids package one day, but I don't want it right now. Some people choose that road earlier. Neither they nor I are wrong. We're different, and that's not bad.

The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality. You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

I can't hear you over the sound of Beyoncé proving you wrong.

All joking aside, this is ridiculous, as is the other article you link to. People define success in different ways. I would say my mother was successful in life. Amy Glass probably wouldn't though, because my mother doesn't make a lot of money (anyone who tells you working for the government is an automatic ticket to wealth is a liar). But the reason my mom took her job so many years ago? To help pay for our school tuition. Our graduations were the result of that, which I would argue make her successful. She achieved her goal, after all.

The problem is comes from what she calls being exceptional. By definition, not everyone will be exceptional. We shouldn't strive for "exceptional", but for "happiness" and "doing what we want". Whether that be setting off for Africa or staying in the house, we have to make the best choice for us. And if that choice happens to inspire someone else, added benefit.

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

What? Dudes complain about this all the time. They just don't complain about it in the same way as women. There are plenty of dad blogs that talk about the demands of being a parent, how hard it is to raise children. How their work keeps them away from spending time with their kids. Tons of movies touch on the struggle that dads, especially those with outside jobs face.
Also, taking care of the household chores is important. It gives the partner who works outside the home less to take care of when they come back. I know that it helped incredibly when my dad (who worked from home when I was growing up) did the dishes and laundry and all that, so my mom had less on her plate.

Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back. 

No--women will be equal with men when we recognize that housework is damn hard. That no one wants to do the laundry and all the tedious chores, but someone has to. That's the thing. While they may not take as much specified skill, household matters influence other aspects of our lives. We can't eat well if there is no food from the store and no clean dishes; can't present a good face if our clothes aren't cleaned; we can't do things outside the home if the home isn't taken care of.

The major thing is women can choose to be outside the home now if they want. We aren't restricted. To be honest, Amy might have started her writing career as a man before, and I'm sure she couldn't write about how awesome the working world is.

And my feminist rant is done. Though I think I was mostly fair.

Day 8: You Don't Sound Like It...

Back in November (and once again in the last week of the year), I listened to Terry Gross's interview with Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele. While touching on his experience growing up not really knowing his dad, he delved into how his voice has influenced his work:

"...the world has wanted me to speak differently than I speak. You know, I speak like my mom; I speak like, you know, like the whitest white dude; I speak like a Def Comedy Jam comedian doing an impression of a white guy. (laughter) That's how I've, you know, sort of grown up. And I even remember, you know, when I was a kid that, you know, there was a, you know, every now and then you'd come upon somebody who would sort of question how I spoke, whether or not, you know, I was trying to be something I wasn't. It cannot be a coincidence that I decided to go into this career where my whole purpose is sort of altering the way I speak and experiencing these different characters, and I think maybe sort of proving in my soul that the way someone speaks has, you know, nothing to do with who they are. People have, you know, everybody has different accents, everyone has different affectations, everyone is still human." (Here's the link to the whole interview.) 

It was a part of the interview that struck home for me.

When I introduce myself to people, I get asked about my Louisiana and Mississippi roots. Such questions like, "Is that where you grew up?", "Where's your family from?", "Where were you originally from?", and the like. Very similar to questions that minorities often get, based on their race [Disclaimer: not claiming to understand the minority experience, just drawing a correlation].
I get these questions usually after I have spoken for at least a few sentences. And I have a rehearsed little speech, depending on which tier of question it is. How I read a lot as a child, watched a fair amount of TV, didn't have a tee-ton of friends.

This is so very practiced, because I know exactly why I get asked this--because I don't sound like what people expect a Cajun or Bible Belt import to sound like. And I don't sound like a hybrid of the two cultures either. Sure, I elongate my e's and i's when talking quickly, and less often I have a more Louisiana inflection to my words, but mostly? Pretty neutral.

And while that says we expect the population from specific regions of the U.S. to sound like the extremes, it also makes me question my identity, and who I can claim. If others don't see me as part of a certain culture because of my voice, can I say I am part of that culture fully?

Yes and no. Obviously, I consider myself part of these two cultures, as I was an active participant in both of them. But I also can say no. I purposely say words certain ways, to distance myself. A big one for me growing up was saying the word "bayou" as "by-you" (the more generally accepted pronunciation) rather than the same way my peers did, as "by-o". I only used the latter pronunciation when specifically referring to a school in Clarksdale called Bayou Academy. (Had to, otherwise I would have gotten corrected every time) 

It's strange. I adapted to speak a more neutral American accent to fit in with the population at large, but by doing so ostracized myself from those around me. I generalized my own identity.

Now, I think I speak more neutral than my family, but not ridiculously so. My brother, who lived in LA only 9 months before we moved to MS, chooses a word set more native to MS. My sister's word choice is influenced by her 7 years in Alabama. My mother speaks more LA than Cajun, as she's from the outskirts of Baton Rouge, but she still sounds Southern. My dad doesn't sound Cajun to me, much less so than his older brother Junior, who has lived outside LA the same amount of time as my dad but still has a clear Cajun inflection.

Speaking of my dad, when I was with the family at Christmas time, he got a business call. And his voice changed. It became more curt and jilted, more like someone who learned English as a second language. This is probably mostly to him adapting to his clientele's vocal patterns (most are Asian), but it was interesting to hear him code switch so quickly.

Last thought--my internal head voice is so much better than the one y'all hear, and I wish I could show you guys.

Day 3: Extra! Extra! Read All About It! Hot Off the Presses!

So, I realized the other day, some you were probably thinking:

How do I know that she's not just writing these before had and scheduling them to publish everyday?

Well...you don't. But here's a screenshot proof. With timestamp!

Well, a timestamp from this morning. Still counts.
And while you don't know if I don't just have them all stored away on my computer, trust me when I say I don't. Though, if you know me, you know that I'm not exactly one to pre-emptively pre-write everything.

Today, though, I'm going to talk about my creative process.
First, once I have an idea (like the idea I had about talk about my creative process--so meta), I write down a short blurb. Like, a few words, not even really a sentence. This entry's blurb was "no pre-written blogs and why". As you can see, pretty simple. I write it down using this great to-do list app called Todoist that I have connected across all the computers/electronics I use on a regular basis. And I can just go to that handy website if I'm using a different location (like if I'm at the local library or whatnot). And I can organize tasks by project, so that's helpful. It's a pretty awesome app. [PS, if you're from Todoist and want to show appreciation for my plug, contact form's on the right-->]

Anyway, after that, I just let the ideas fester internally. True brainstorming, if you will. If I was more precise about my entries, I would have pre-started blogs for each idea, and I would work with them when I decided to. But that would go against the idea behind why I began this resolution in the first place: to write 500 words consistently, on a daily basis. If I had even outlined blog posts, I feel that that is like cheating myself into making my quota, and then leading me to feel guilty about an arbitrary line I metaphorically drew myself. It's dumb and  something I already do more than necessary, but what can I say? At least I'm consistent.

Maybe, just maybe, if I make this a consistent habit, of writing down thoughts and ideas and letting the words just flow every day, then maybe my more creative side will be able to do the same. And that will help me to where I can reach that goal of getting published.

Or maybe I'll just be like 300 Sandwiches Girl, make some ridiculous premise for a blog (like, oh, I don't know, writing a set amount each day or something like that), and get a book deal that way.
[Side Note: Sandwich #212 had Chia Seeds on it. Homegirl has officially left the building, if you know what I mean.]

The point is, I like my process as it is. Unformed. Malleable. Not really a process. I like the spontaneity of writing the words as they form in my head. And while I do some "on-the-run" editing (cutting stuff out later, backspacing out of that brick wall I just hit), most of this is just on the fly. Obviously.

I mean, come on, the clichés in that last paragraph alone make me cringe a little bit. But that's part of my process. It's the progression of ideas, even the really, really bad ones.

Day 1: "And We'll Take a Cup o’ Kindness Yet, for Auld Lang Syne."

Here begins a new year, and with it, a new blog.

I’ve started a good many blogs/journals/ways of keeping up with my life over the years. Thankfully, most of the über-embarrassing stuff is gone the way of the trash. I’m cringing now just thinking about some of those entries.

My point is this isn’t a novel idea during my life. I just thinking that writing in particular is an area that I need to revitalize.

As most of you know, it’s a dream of mine to be published one day. And I plan to make that happen. To do so, however, requires practice. And since, well, graduating with my English degree in 2011, I haven’t done a whole lot of creative writing.
Sure, there was that entire year where I was writing lesson plans and my action research paper, and all the assignments in between, but it’s not the same. I thought that maybe, after a few months of a teaching job under my belt, I would be able to find the time to write again.

And here we are, 1.5 years later, and to say that things didn’t turn out as I planned is quite an understatement.

It’s weird, 2014. It seems a lot more people are reflective on 2013 and how they’re excited for the upcoming year. All I have to say to 2013 is, “Nice knowing ya!”
2013 for me wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a super awesome year. I didn’t lose the weight that I wanted to. I didn’t find the teaching job I want so badly. I didn’t follow through with plans I made for myself. I don’t feel that I internally grew over the last 12 months.

It’s been fairly sucky (scientific term there) since I moved to Virginia. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve met great people and done cool things here, but it’s really hard seeing my friends getting on with their lives and doing awesome things. To be frank, part of me is a jealous grump when my friends post about their students/classes/etc. I just want what they have, and it’s so hard because I’ve been trying for so long. And when I get that question about why I’m not teaching from someone back home, it makes me want to cry out, “I want to, but no one wants me!”

It’s kind of freeing, letting this out there. I’ve been in a self-esteem slump for a while, which has contributed to or caused the aforementioned things that didn’t happen in 2013. And while I’m naturally a more optimistic person, this past year has been spent mainly keeping my spirit’s head above water.

2014, though. It’s going to be awesome. I’m going to make it awesome. By making time to do more things that make me happy. By doing the things that need to get done before they get to the point of stress-inducing (I’m looking at you, dirty dishes). By taking the moment to relish what I’ve got and knowing that good stuff is still in the horizon, even if it’s not the stuff I’m expecting.

By just stopping and breathing, and trucking on.