Day 22 (+12): But We're Not Supposed To Talk About That

(Why, that second number just keeps getting bigger, doesn't it? Fartknocker. Oh well. I'll catch up soon enough.)

Warning--this post is quite blunt about sexual health. I try to be as coy as possible, but I can't be for everything. No graphic descriptions are included.



Read two articles this morning, and they make me super happy as one of those "sexual health" feminist loons :P
Article 1: U.S. Abortions Declining, Study Finds
Article 2: HPV Shot Doesn't Encourage Sexual Activity in Young Girls: Study

To me, these articles show that we're moving in the right direction in sexual health education. I'm of the opinion that knowing how things work prevents more stupid mistakes based on hearsay.

I never actually got "the talk" as a kid. All I knew was that when men and women were naked together, if they were kissing and legs crossed...then came baby. It was only when I was learning about my lovely monthly visitor that I learned exactly what happened. Mainly because I was freaked out by how tampons worked and was liked, "But why would you ever want to do that to yourself?" I was quickly informed how similar to the birds and the bees it was, if you catch my drift.

And my sexual education, surprisingly, actually talked about contraception. Looking back, it's one of the things my school was actually good with. While some might not agree with the method we learned about the technical parts (girls read aloud about boy reproductive systems, and vice versa; if you laughed, you had to start your paragraph over), it worked. And our book talked about the percentages of effectiveness of all types of contraception, from abstinence's 100% all the way to using nothing of 15%, and everything in between. While not everyone that went through my school's health class remembered this information (as evidenced by some of the unintended pregnancies), you can only lead a horse to water, you know?

The area of being informed about one's sexual health is one I think both sides of the spectrum on the issue of abortion can come together on. Mainly because knowing what causes pregnancy helps to prevent it, therefore lowering unintended pregnancies and less abortions. And a lot of people I know who are pro-choice push sexual education and access, as that would give women more involvement in their sexual health.

The second article is important, because it shows that talking about your reproductive system doesn't turn on a switch in teenage brains to make them have sex.

If one wants to abstain from sex, that's their choice. Being informed about what happens does not taint someone or make them animals. Hell, it helps when they do decide to have sex, whether that be within the marriage bed or not. It also helps outside of the making babies part, and knowing when there might be something wrong with your body.

I know that this post was quite soapbox-y. But honestly, I really do believe that reproductive knowledge would help across the board. There's always room for less ignorance in the world, am I right?

Day 20 (+8): I'm Sorry You Feel That Way

There's an article that's been making it rounds lately. I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry by Amy Glass. And, it has infuriated me. So today's post will be about deconstructing my response, section by section. So you don't have to click that link unless you want to, because I have copy and pasted her article word for word.

Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.

If you start an article like this, you're rabble-rousing. I know you are. But I'll bite.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. 

 No, they're not, but not for the reason you're thinking. An independent single woman takes care of herself. A stay-at-home mom (SAHM) takes care of the household and all those in it, which can range from 3 (herself, partner, and baby) to infinity.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.
Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

Technically, you're right--with all the right paperwork and meeting all the requirements, anyone can get married (except for same-sex partners in a lot of places, of course). Same goes for babies. They're not the same type of accomplishment as graduating from college or getting that dream job, true. That doesn't make them any less valid. Celebrating marriages and having babies is more about celebrating joy in life--about finding love and that person you want to share your life with, or creating/adopting a new person in life. By recognizing these life achievements, we're celebrating that they are happy. I don't see a problem with that.

If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?
I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance.

There are people who do throw showers when they get a new job (teacher showers, anyone?), or go out for a lavish night with friends. I've had friends (like the lovely Karen Hall) who share their world traveling experiences, and people have responded with awesome support, through verbal and financial ways. Trust me when I say that these achievements are celebrated as well.
I wouldn't say that choosing a house and kids is the "path of least resistance". In fact, depending on who you are, some face more resistance when they do. I've also had tons of friends get married young and have kids, and I've heard people say (including myself), "But they're so young! They have so much to do first!"
I had to stop myself by asking what I was doing, condemning these women for choosing something that I didn't. Sure, I want the whole marriage and kids package one day, but I don't want it right now. Some people choose that road earlier. Neither they nor I are wrong. We're different, and that's not bad.

The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality. You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

I can't hear you over the sound of Beyoncé proving you wrong.

All joking aside, this is ridiculous, as is the other article you link to. People define success in different ways. I would say my mother was successful in life. Amy Glass probably wouldn't though, because my mother doesn't make a lot of money (anyone who tells you working for the government is an automatic ticket to wealth is a liar). But the reason my mom took her job so many years ago? To help pay for our school tuition. Our graduations were the result of that, which I would argue make her successful. She achieved her goal, after all.

The problem is comes from what she calls being exceptional. By definition, not everyone will be exceptional. We shouldn't strive for "exceptional", but for "happiness" and "doing what we want". Whether that be setting off for Africa or staying in the house, we have to make the best choice for us. And if that choice happens to inspire someone else, added benefit.

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

What? Dudes complain about this all the time. They just don't complain about it in the same way as women. There are plenty of dad blogs that talk about the demands of being a parent, how hard it is to raise children. How their work keeps them away from spending time with their kids. Tons of movies touch on the struggle that dads, especially those with outside jobs face.
Also, taking care of the household chores is important. It gives the partner who works outside the home less to take care of when they come back. I know that it helped incredibly when my dad (who worked from home when I was growing up) did the dishes and laundry and all that, so my mom had less on her plate.

Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back. 

No--women will be equal with men when we recognize that housework is damn hard. That no one wants to do the laundry and all the tedious chores, but someone has to. That's the thing. While they may not take as much specified skill, household matters influence other aspects of our lives. We can't eat well if there is no food from the store and no clean dishes; can't present a good face if our clothes aren't cleaned; we can't do things outside the home if the home isn't taken care of.

The major thing is women can choose to be outside the home now if they want. We aren't restricted. To be honest, Amy might have started her writing career as a man before, and I'm sure she couldn't write about how awesome the working world is.

And my feminist rant is done. Though I think I was mostly fair.