Ashes to Ashes

So, Friday's quick update was right. My grandmother passed away Saturday afternoon.

The emotions are hitting me in spurts. After my dad's call, I really broke down, even though I was expecting it. And yesterday, I was looking at photos (not the smartest thing I've ever done) and just kind of started to cry.

Brett's been really great with comforting me. It actually worked out pretty much perfectly--he's on his man-strul cycle right now (aka, he's emotional), so he's been very huggy. Just what I need :)

I know she's much happier now. My PawPaw died almost 2 years ago (Aug. 2012), and she was a wreck. They'd been married for 63 years when he went. He was the one to cook and take care of her, because her eyesight wasn't good. And after he was gone, it wasn't the same having people come in to keep her company during the day, or for her daughters to stay at night.

My mind, of course, wants to skim over what's going on right now, so I'm thinking of what happens next. What happens to the house? I want it to stay in the family, but there's no one I can think of who really needs the house. What about all the stuff there? (and there's a shit-ton, I'm telling you) And because I live so far away, will I get anything to remember them by besides my memories? Then I start to feel selfish...

I'm just completely done with thinking about it. Focusing on other things until I get there. I will be immersed in it all then, so trying to relax now.

A Note from the Messenger

I hate bad news. Really don't like talking about it at all; I get flustered and awkward, because I don't know what to say.

Something I hate more? Having to be the bearer of said bad news.

Case in point: the partner of one of my co-workers (boyfriend sounds too juvenile for their situation), he passed away this morning from a heart attack. What makes it worse is the suddenness--he had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and it had metastasized. So she had been preparing for a completely different type of passing and was hit with this.

Anyway, my response to people calling for her is to respond with a "there's been a family emergency", take a message, and see if there's someone else that could handle the situation. Anyway, I said that to one guy, and he, being a decent human being, responded that he hoped everyone was okay.
I really don't know what to say at that point. Not really, but I don't know how much information to give you.

In a weird sort of way, he then says, "I've been working with her for 20 years."

I then asked if he knows the man, and he says he does.

So I have to be the one to tell him. And it sucks.

Then, I got a call from a guy that said he was a doctor who's been treating the guy (verified by the caller ID that listed a local hospital as the source of the call).
How in God's name do I respond to that? Sorry, Doctor, but your patient passed away.

Tried to find her home phone, but she prefers privacy and doesn't have one on file with us. Someone else in the office offered to talk to the doctor and let him know.

I'm just out of sorts this morning. My heart really just feels heavy. Today, I honestly would prefer telemarketers and cold calls, because at least I can detach my emotions from that.