Lots has happened in the past few months:
No, I'm not joking. I literally will fall asleep against my will, and I have done it. A lot.
It's not officially diagnosed yet, but I met with a doctor of sleep medicine on Friday, and he really seems to think I have it. I'll take the official sleep tests in August, so we'll see then.
I'm really optimistic. Why? One, it'll prove that I'm not crazy--I really can't control this sudden urge to sleep. Two, it will help me feel less guilty. I have fallen asleep in places that I really shouldn't (the back of a classroom while mentor-teaching, for one). I really felt shame each time it's happened. Like, why couldn't I just get up and go get water? Did I have that much of a lack of will-power? Three, it will help me in my relationship with the boy. There have been many arguments over me just "being lazy" and napping all day on a weekend. Which, after this consultation, he did apologize for. To be honest, though, it's not his fault for not understanding. It did look like laziness, like giving in to just relaxing. The official diagnosis will help us understand each other a little bit better.
Lastly, it's just make me feel better. I've thought that something was wrong with me for so long. That wanting to sleep so often was indicative of an underlying mental instability. And while that's what it is technically (chemicals that keep us awake versus asleep are quite right in my brain), this explanation tells me, It's okay. You haven't been in control about this for a while, but there are resources and options for you to take that control back.
That is the most encouraging thing. That the life I want to live might become more of a possibility.
- I got a second job. Still in training, but I'm teaching pre-college test prep for Kaplan.
- Went to Texas back at the beginning of May to visit the family I used to babysit for. It was nice to just relax.
- Went to two concerts in the last month, which is something I rarely do.
No, I'm not joking. I literally will fall asleep against my will, and I have done it. A lot.
It's not officially diagnosed yet, but I met with a doctor of sleep medicine on Friday, and he really seems to think I have it. I'll take the official sleep tests in August, so we'll see then.
I'm really optimistic. Why? One, it'll prove that I'm not crazy--I really can't control this sudden urge to sleep. Two, it will help me feel less guilty. I have fallen asleep in places that I really shouldn't (the back of a classroom while mentor-teaching, for one). I really felt shame each time it's happened. Like, why couldn't I just get up and go get water? Did I have that much of a lack of will-power? Three, it will help me in my relationship with the boy. There have been many arguments over me just "being lazy" and napping all day on a weekend. Which, after this consultation, he did apologize for. To be honest, though, it's not his fault for not understanding. It did look like laziness, like giving in to just relaxing. The official diagnosis will help us understand each other a little bit better.
Lastly, it's just make me feel better. I've thought that something was wrong with me for so long. That wanting to sleep so often was indicative of an underlying mental instability. And while that's what it is technically (chemicals that keep us awake versus asleep are quite right in my brain), this explanation tells me, It's okay. You haven't been in control about this for a while, but there are resources and options for you to take that control back.
That is the most encouraging thing. That the life I want to live might become more of a possibility.