[If you haven't read Pt.
1, there you go, hyperlinked and everything.]
So, after getting back to about my high school graduation weight, I wanted to keep losing. And once Fall '09 rolled around, I was fairly good about losing steadily, just by not being a complete bum and watching my food intake.Well, as much as I could with a Taco Bell open late on campus within a 5 minute walking distance. And it continued into the following spring and summer. That summer was really crazy. I was eating sandwiches from home a lot, working out at least 3 days a week. I got down to about 170 at the beginning of my senior undergrad year. It stagnated that fall, but spring rolled around, and I managed to get to 160 by graduation, a loss that was kickstarted by my first attempt at actually counting the calories going into my body and the calories I was burning.
During all this time, it was a struggle. As I talked about before, I never really knew portion control. So when I started counting my calories for the first time, and saw how much I was really eating? Well, I felt embarrassed at the number. But the inverse became true as well--when I tried to eat within my budgeted amount, I felt like I was starving myself. I had to learn how deal with hunger pains. To not eat every time I felt the slightest but hungry. After being raised in a household where my parents had taught me to clean my plate, it was hard stopping.
But somehow, I managed to do it. And I felt awesome. Brett had been weight training with me (I did both cardio and weights during my workouts), so he had gained muscle mass, which had put him above 150. It felt great being within ten pounds of someone who was always so skinny. Disclaimer: I know that our respective ideal weights will be different, and that at 160, I still had a long way to go, but the small amount between us at that moment? Well, I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't feel splendid.
Then grad school started.
To say that grad school derailed me off the tracks would me a major understatement. I was worried about not screwing up these kids, worried about my assignments for classes, worried about work, stressed to the max by my action research project, missing my boy like whoa [long-distance relationships suck, btw], and dealing with less than ideal living situations (let’s just say that we all were bad roommates to each other, and leave it at that). The only thing that would calm me down was a good Skype conversation with Brett, babysitting my favorite little girls, hanging out and not talking about school, and eating a nice, pre-made meal.
I ate a lot of take-out over those 12 months—some choices were better than others, but most were bad. The worst choice was hardly working out at all.
After graduating and moving to VA, I finally was able to stop and weight myself. I tipped in at 180 again.
While I have managed to lose the grad school weight, it’s still a major struggle. I do well, give my leniency, and then I’ll go up, feel bad, and go up, and down….you get the point.
I’m still on this crazy ride that is losing weight, because I want to look at myself in the mirror, and not make excuse for what I see. To feel comfortable in clothes that are more snug on my body. To match the me I see in my head. To like the physical as much as I like the person inside.
So, after getting back to about my high school graduation weight, I wanted to keep losing. And once Fall '09 rolled around, I was fairly good about losing steadily, just by not being a complete bum and watching my food intake.Well, as much as I could with a Taco Bell open late on campus within a 5 minute walking distance. And it continued into the following spring and summer. That summer was really crazy. I was eating sandwiches from home a lot, working out at least 3 days a week. I got down to about 170 at the beginning of my senior undergrad year. It stagnated that fall, but spring rolled around, and I managed to get to 160 by graduation, a loss that was kickstarted by my first attempt at actually counting the calories going into my body and the calories I was burning.
During all this time, it was a struggle. As I talked about before, I never really knew portion control. So when I started counting my calories for the first time, and saw how much I was really eating? Well, I felt embarrassed at the number. But the inverse became true as well--when I tried to eat within my budgeted amount, I felt like I was starving myself. I had to learn how deal with hunger pains. To not eat every time I felt the slightest but hungry. After being raised in a household where my parents had taught me to clean my plate, it was hard stopping.
But somehow, I managed to do it. And I felt awesome. Brett had been weight training with me (I did both cardio and weights during my workouts), so he had gained muscle mass, which had put him above 150. It felt great being within ten pounds of someone who was always so skinny. Disclaimer: I know that our respective ideal weights will be different, and that at 160, I still had a long way to go, but the small amount between us at that moment? Well, I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't feel splendid.
Then grad school started.
To say that grad school derailed me off the tracks would me a major understatement. I was worried about not screwing up these kids, worried about my assignments for classes, worried about work, stressed to the max by my action research project, missing my boy like whoa [long-distance relationships suck, btw], and dealing with less than ideal living situations (let’s just say that we all were bad roommates to each other, and leave it at that). The only thing that would calm me down was a good Skype conversation with Brett, babysitting my favorite little girls, hanging out and not talking about school, and eating a nice, pre-made meal.
I ate a lot of take-out over those 12 months—some choices were better than others, but most were bad. The worst choice was hardly working out at all.
After graduating and moving to VA, I finally was able to stop and weight myself. I tipped in at 180 again.
While I have managed to lose the grad school weight, it’s still a major struggle. I do well, give my leniency, and then I’ll go up, feel bad, and go up, and down….you get the point.
I’m still on this crazy ride that is losing weight, because I want to look at myself in the mirror, and not make excuse for what I see. To feel comfortable in clothes that are more snug on my body. To match the me I see in my head. To like the physical as much as I like the person inside.