Day 5: The Scales of Self-Esteem--My Weight Loss Journey (Part 1)


Just finished my work-out, so I figure that I can talk about that. My weight-loss journey, that is.

Let’s start off this post with a fun fact: I actually was my mother’s smallest baby, weighing in at 6 lb. and some odd ounces. This was mostly due to her having pneumonia less than a month before I was born. So I didn’t stay small for long—she still says I was her butterball, because I plumped up quick. Though like most toddlers, I lost some baby fat. From about age 5 to age 8, I was a normal size. Probably between 8 and 9 was when I really just outgrew my peers weight-wise. I remember in 5th grade (so about 11 years old) a classmate of mine was messing around, and pushed on the top of my desk. Normally, that makes it where the desk set goes up in the air. Since I was larger, it took more force. I still remember her response: “What do you weight, like 100 lbs?” And I know she didn’t mean to, but it hurt, mainly because I was 100 lbs. By the beginning of 7th grade, I was about 120 lbs.

I continued to gain weight as I grew older, mainly because I didn’t know portion control. When we went to McDonald’s, I was getting adult meals as young as 10 years old. I often ate multiple servings at meals. I drank Coke and soda pretty much every day. So it’s no surprise that I was pushing 185, 190 when I graduated high school.

My weight was a big factor on my self-esteem, especially in high school. I played sports and would constantly here my teammates saying, “I’m so fat, ugh”, as they looked in the mirror at their 130 lbs bodies. On one of my more snarky days, I remember that a girl said she was as big as a planet, when she was clearly not. I muttered, “If you’re a planet, I’m a universe.” Part of me was jealous, but another part of me was glad I wasn’t deluded about my size. I knew I was overweight—I just wasn’t sure if I could ever do anything about it.

Flash forward to first semester of sophomore year in college. I’d been dating Brett for a while, so he knew about my self-esteem issues and tried to help motivate me. It wasn’t that effective, to be blunt. By January of 2009 as I went off to England for a semester abroad, I was about 215. But there, something clicked. I was homesick, it was cold, I didn’t like the way I looked…so, I started just dancing around my room in the flat. Not even like Zumba dancing, just moving to music for some time. And because of money, I wasn’t eating a huge amount, and some days, when I didn’t leave my room, I just didn’t get as hungry. So I lost 20 lbs by the beginning of May.

So, tomorrow, I’ll continue with part two of my weight-loss journey. And it’s definitely filled with ups and downs, I guarantee you that.