Last night, my sister Facetimed me, to talk about the snow hitting Charlotte, NC (where she lives) and shoot the breeze. We were cooking while talking, so when our respective meals were ready, it was time to hang up. I had just finished making my awesomely deliciously beef & deer burger and displayed it on screen. The way I cook (sear then steam), the burgers end up looking more like sliders.
Anyway, she said that they looked weird, "short and fat". I ducked down into the screen and said, "Just like me!" without thinking. It turned awkward, fast. Because, you see...I'm smaller than my sister at the moment. I'm thinking, Oh, shit, oh shit, I really didn't mean to make her feel bad. It's something I worry about, mainly because we haven't always been so congenial.
She responded with, "You're not fat."
I should have shut up right there. But that wouldn't be me, now would it?
I replied with, "Tell that to the BMI Index." Hoping, praying that would end it.
Nope. "You're not as fat as me," she replied.
Crap, crap, crap, what do I say? "I used to be."
And basically, that's how we ended our really nice conversation. Us talking about weight, and referencing how much she's gained/I've lost.
It got me thinking though.
Anyway, she said that they looked weird, "short and fat". I ducked down into the screen and said, "Just like me!" without thinking. It turned awkward, fast. Because, you see...I'm smaller than my sister at the moment. I'm thinking, Oh, shit, oh shit, I really didn't mean to make her feel bad. It's something I worry about, mainly because we haven't always been so congenial.
She responded with, "You're not fat."
I should have shut up right there. But that wouldn't be me, now would it?
I replied with, "Tell that to the BMI Index." Hoping, praying that would end it.
Nope. "You're not as fat as me," she replied.
Crap, crap, crap, what do I say? "I used to be."
And basically, that's how we ended our really nice conversation. Us talking about weight, and referencing how much she's gained/I've lost.
It got me thinking though.
- I now know the other side of the coin, comparatively. I've mentioned it before, about how it bothered me back in high school when the skinnier girls would say how fat they were, and I would roll my eyes Liz Lemon style in response. But I get it a little bit better. There will be people that envy where we are, whether that's for the number on the scale or for the confidence in themselves. It's human nature. We should focus on ourselves alone, rather than comparing our size with the girl's size next to us.
- People who have known me for a long time see me as successful in weight loss, and I don't see myself as that. I'll get, "Oh, you've lost more weight!" And I'm thinking exactly how many lbs difference, if any, there is between our last meeting and that moment. Because I know. That's the thing about my weight loss--I know exactly what I weighed at what time of the year, when my ups and downs were. Sometimes I have to remind myself of where I was, to make myself feel better.
- I still see myself as fat. Even though I know the BMI is crap, and I know that I am better, I'm still not where I want to be. I see my stomach and hips protruding in a muffin top. I see my huge thighs.
Basically, it's all about perspective. We compare ourselves to whoever's around, whether they're on the TV screen or are the person sitting next to us on the bus. We just need to think about it more in terms of what feels good for me. It we don't like what we see, take action, or find something you like about your body. For me, I look and feel how strong my muscles are, even beneath the flab. That helps me feel better, because it reminds me how strong I am and reinforces that I can do this. Because I can